(But, while we’re on the subject, strongly implying that people need to leave out cookies and milk to appease you while you’re trespassing on their property is basically extortion.)Īnyway, after that, I went on believing- and quite loudly vocalizing- that you were simply a manufactured fairy tale meant to scare shitty children into behaving. The whole sneaking into people’s homes while they were sleeping and making sure you left evidence that you were there, never really sat right with me.
I wanted to apologize for the messiness.Īround the second grade I had taken to calling you a pervert. Things got a little out of hand and before I knew it, my entire class was convinced you were a member of the mafia. The term “crooked Santa” was possibly thrown around with reckless abandon. It may or may not have become my mission in life to destroy your reputation.įull disclosure, in the first grade, I told my best friend that the only reason you gave her presents instead of me was because her parents bribed you. And I’ve never taken this personally…well at times…it’s just that…ok I may have taken this extremely personally. I’m just going to assume it was because we lived in walk-up apartments with no chimneys, and you knew if you tried to come through a stranger’s door in the hood you would’ve for sure been shot. You, legit, never came to my home when I was a kid.
DECEMby AJ Mendez Brooks ()īefore I give you my Christmas list, I just want to get this awkwardness out of the way.
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